a steven wright moment

- "when i was a little kid i wished that the first word i've ever said was the word "quote", so right before i die i could say "unquote".
- "i need one of those baby monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so i can know what the hell i'm thinking about".
- "when i was in the first grade the teacher told us that the president was married to the first lady, and all i could think about was "uau, i wonder if she ever saw any dinossaurs".
- "jesus pissed off a lot of people you now. - would you stop turning water into wine, i'm trying to take a shower".